1) Your wife was so freaked she let the fact that you're bi slip out two years ago yet continues to discuss it with them? At 31 years old! Shes outed you twice, once under influence and this time more than completely sober, then proceeded to loudly discuss your sex life in front of a judgemental group of biphobes who then proceeded to tell their SOs about it and are now probably telling anyone wholl listen about it. For a moment I felt ashamed. Great comment. It doesn't matter if her friends judge her for things - she needs to stand up for you as her husband. Sending you strength. And regarding the "I let it slip while drunk" part, she's still responsible for her acts while drunk. She shouldnt care what others think of her or you, let alone talk about you negatively behind your back. Also, the fact that she let her friends talk shit about him while she and OP are supposed to be in a happy marriage Damn, that says a lot. Good luck, brother. Life is great and were very blessed. Honestly, I don't know if I'd be able to get past never being able to trust her with personal stuff again. Please think about going to individual counseling as well as couples counseling! Im extremely sorry this happened to you OP. But try couples counseling and go from there. There are hundreds of roles people play all the time. I hope you are able to get marriage counseling and find a way through this wether it ends with you together or not. They were basically talking about me (no one contacts me anymore, just my wife to commend her on how loyal she is despite having a douchebag loser husband), and I overheard her agreeing with the person on the phone. You might want to discuss that during counselling, or maybe with a therapist. I agree with the counseling. Don't go broadcasting it. Then one girl left and all of a sudden the other girl is giving pointers! My bf and I have been together not long 3 years but hes 33, I 27, and whenever there is even a shred of something that bugs either one of us we tell each other. You are not overreacting. Its inappropriate her friends would gush over her ex with her (a married woman): I dont want to hear anyone talking up some guy I used to date while Im with someone else. You can be pissed and hurt and angry for now and work on it. Your anger is justified, but breaking up your wonderful family over this is too much and a shame? I found out that my wife is telling her friends about our private life, including details of our sex life, and even our infrequent arguments. She should have known to do that herself beforehand. I might not go as far as to say shes only sorry she got caught, but the current reaction is definitely because she got caught. Would she have thrown Tom under the bus like that to entertain her friends ignorance? Don't go silent on her. I couldn't stop laughing at the first sentence in your comment. Shes married to a bi man, and her idiot friends shouldnt have the power to make her feel bad about it. There was also probably some truth to her bedroom comments. I have also been outed in a similar way. They honestly seem jealous if they care that much about what you enjoy sexually. My identity was something I held tight to my chest for years. If, she cannot part with them, I would part with her. Its just so cowardly and shows she's not on your team. What she did was just bottom of the barrel type of shit. I think it wouldve been different if maybe she had some concerns and needed someone to confide in about it, but she shouldve never allowed them to speak about you that way. She swears she does love our sex life and the things we do and is sorry. I also pointed out that every single one of her relationships ended up being abusive so she had no right to tell me to leave my boyfriend when he'd never lay a finger on me. I don't think this information should have been said. If it was an accident, she should have come clean when it happened. Tell her to flip the genders and make it you and the "boys" doing "locker room talk" about her and all the things she likes in the bedroom. Unless they're all like that and she's just throwing a couple out for a meat shield, like she did with you. Would she have ever stood up for you and put her friends in place? Things ended when Tom took a job across the country and my wife chose not to follow him. I keep my composure as best I can and open the slider to the patio and poke my head out. Again this is a guess. That's only for me and my wife to know. Your wife shouldnt have outed you to her friends. He claims it was just he was not mature and never meant any of the terrible things he did. Do NOT let her tell you your feelings are wrong. When people start talking about things that are intimate, sometimes they succumb to the pressure (not necessarily peer pressure in the "tell us, tell us sense, but more the pressure to feel bonded, to feel close to friends) to share things they shouldn't. Is she going to listen to her friends claim that you being bi has somehow swayed them? Soooo. You know what Im talking about Im sure. I knew I wasnt in a good state and ignored all of them. And I've faced this with my family-- I shut that crap down with a quickness. After some begging I agreed to come home tomorrow and talk. She shouldn't be hiding things from you or telling people your personal stuff. If youre ever going to get past this, you should both be in therapy. Only point I wanted to make: it doesnt have to be one or the other. This. I would take a long look to see if this is reconcilable. You are joke to your wife she have no respect for you at all. One of the guys who was there called me and I answered. You deserve better treatment from her. Seriously? That's what's really completely messed up - she's been joking with pals behind his back for a couple years and never told him she had slipped up. They are what they are and they are very real. Well 1. But Im not sure I know anyone who hasnt. Lol, yup its amazing how scared people are to just be themselves. It's not a secret, kept in a fault. If I were OP, the answer to this would play a big part in how/whether I wanted to proceed in the relationship. I am a very chill guy. Any other friends you have in common likely know. After a very long silence, she said, "I guess we'll see how it all comes out in the wash anyway." They went to bed soon after. I'm conflicted because a lot of men talk about other women,wives,guys etc like that to seem tough and shit, but when a woman says it it makes it the end of the world? Also sound out the wives who weren't judgemental and ask their opinions. There is nothing wrong with you. Otoh keeping this secret is what gives it power - power over you. You are NOT overreacting. If she had doubled down and defended herself and her friends, then that would be a break up situation imo. Your wife really messed up. Normally I'd say you have to share it but I'm not sure what that looks like. She brought her marriage outside where it shouldn't belong. You heard the truth when she was talking to her friends, about your private life, without your knowledge. Stand firm in that it wasn't okay to disclose private information that you didn't want to be made public. I'm just saying people can be stupid. This is the lesson: never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never -- in nothing, great or small, large or petty -- never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. They didnt hear me come into the kitchen. Thats her game, and I suggest therapy and also congratulate you, my dude, on taking it so calmly. The fact she cares more about her homophobic friends opinions of her than her relationship with her partner says a lot. Beer runs out so I head inside to grab more. But 2 years later she is still talking about your most sacred aspect of your personal life, by filling in her friends on the most private part of your life. Her motivation doesn't change that the fact that you deserve someone that stands up to their friends. For years. So much this. Uh huh. I'm not defending her actions. I'm not sure what her motivation was with not being up front with you about all of this, especially the telling her friends of your sexuality. See how you feel after a few days, and then if your head is straight only THEN act by seeing and speaking to her. Everyone doesnt wAnt an asshole who And if it was an accident, why did she give them details about what kinks you have? Fuck her if she cannot be your confidant she's worthless, tell her to get rid of her hateful friends. Seems like part of the issue here is how ashamed you are of your own sexuality. My step-dad said, "I feel like I always have to watch what I have to say, and I shouldn't have to worry about . So (and this is where your perception of the relationship comes in) you have to determine whether she was going with the flow of the conversation or whether she does actually have an issue with that. I bet you can still hold your head high with them. If you want to save your marriage and restore trust some sort of therapy is probably necessary. That was 100% a choice on her part. She said 'girls talk' and she has to have someone to talk to about stuff. There are good comments here, so Im not going to get into that. Especially with the "gay" things they do. I thanked him. I mean i think you can talk it out?? Oh My God, seriously? Dude she sucks I cant believe people are defending this at all, its pure misandry, if the roles were reversed and a man was letting secrets slip and talking ill of his wife then torches would be coming out, but thats just how women are when theyre with the girls, no secrets! Fuck all that haha, that is so disrespectful. I don't think she is disinterested in the guy, but I will say I don't tolerate that kind of weakness. You poor man, I so want to give you a hug. She cares more about her friends perception of her than she actually cares about showing how much she cares about you. So no being friends with intolerant halfwits, and no more alcohol. At the end of the day, passion doesnt make a partner, love care (a bit of passion/good sex) and commitment do. For that reason I would agree that you guys should talk about, counseling, or like I said, you reconsidering the relationship. If she isn't willing to do both of those things, then she is proving she doesn't value you enough, or is sorry enough for the damage she's caused, to be worth staying with. Going forward, she needs to seriously consider what she says to her "friends" if she cannot say them infront of you openly. I'm not sure how to help you, but your wife needs better friends. Sorry bro, no words. she needs to stand by you and say that shes proud of you and supports you. Im one of the long time married people commenting in this sub. Do not just shrug it off if you stay. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your marriage. It actually did make me feel a little better. Repeat offenders shouldnt get second chances and neither should first time ones. I turned to my wife with a raised eyebrow and announced I guess you didnt have me pegged to be a man that would stand up for himself! And I majestically brushed my cape back and walked right out of the house. I am a closeted bi woman. I'm reading all the comments and really appreciate the advice and support guys . Yeah Id be pissed about the betrayal of trust. The Geni has escaped from the bottle, as there's no chance of putting it back in, you need to deal with the humiliation that you feel in how it was told. There are many things that could be said or done that are definite "break up" situations, but this is not one of them. So how wonderful was their family while his wife is sharing secrets and laughing behind his back? I would keep notes about what's promised and then see what she manages to do about it going forward (should you decide to stay with her). Its so stupid, Im sure shes great in all other aspects but she needs to stand up for you. She knows shes an ass, and her friends know their actions were trash. Youre not overreacting. From what Ive been told by friends and family my wife and Tom had a hot and cold volatile relationship and he was not the best to her (cheating, controlling). Yea, some people are just too worried what their peers think and arent (strong/brave) enough to go against the group. You and your sexuality are valid and you deserve to be treated as such. Even if it was a close call, you dont say that. Which means wherever you gothere will be a little voice in the back of your mind wondering if people are judging you or talking shit about you behind your back, I'm not sure how you move forward in this situation but I would suggest individual therapy and couples counseling.as well as asking her to put some distance between her and the people she ran her mouth to, I would suggest individual therapy and couples counseling.as well as asking her to put some distance between her and the people she ran her mouth to. So what you should do? Kidding aside. If you are honest, people may cheat you. German Young Boy Seduce Big Tit Step-Mom to Lost Virgin 16:20. Life works in a whelm of duality. There is now a before and an after in your marriage. I'm getting angry just sitting here cause I've personally witnessed this so many times. Just talk. Best of luck man. Do not make them feel you're different because you're not! Let her know that if she wants to patch this up, its on her. Is going to take a very long time to fix such fuckery. At the very least there's some trust work that will need to be done to rebuild some things. She immediately started apologizing and saying she loves me and it was drunk girl talk and she didnt mean anything. It's the typical "I'm in a perfect relationship but I overheard something that nobody would ever say out loud knowing I'm in the other room" scenario that gets done all of the time on here. If she can apologize for those things and really work on not doing them in the future, I think I'd forgive her. Does it not show a serious weakness in character that she bull shitted like that? Couples counseling could work but it may also not be necessary, you two could work on it together. This will help no matter what you decide. I'll be dammed if a single one of my friends said anything like that about my man. Its just another role, like being the dutiful daughter or the waste of space ex or the everyone loves me co-worker. You have to try and think past this and think about her and the relationship as a whole. He said his wife told him what happened and he wanted to let me know he doesnt give a shit about me being bi and thinks the while situation is fucked. Id give yourself more time before going home and talking. How much more reassurance do you need? Weirdly enough, weve never gotten any negative feedback from our closest friends. OK she was drunk and your sexuality came out in a stupid moment. Divorce her. As for the rest of it, definitely couples counseling. The only reason you know of this disrespect is because you accidentally heard them saying stuff behind your back? Back then I hadnt realize I was bi because I was a teen, and scared of being rejected by my family, but I knew I felt certain attraction towards girls. Dude, I am so sorry. i would like to add a partner should never ever make you feel ashamed or embarrassed about your sexuality. If you two have a solid relationship, you should be able to work through this. Add on the fact that her friends were telling her that Tom was in town - thats another reason she needs to drop the problematic friends. She is trying to write this shit off as a mistake. If you feel this can be fixed, try couples counseling, but honestly I only see this ending one way. Sorry if this is all over the place. You deserve that. But something you might ask her about. Take the space you need & honor your feelings. Because I think going three-for-three on instances of convenient bullshit is, well, bullshit. Wow dude. This given that she initiates the sex games, and probably will never admit to friends that she enjoys them as a kink to keep the bedroom alive and hot. Outing you accidentally is one thing, but there are a load of major no-nos here. You together or not and saying she loves me and I 've faced this my. Play a big part in how/whether I wanted to proceed in the guy but. Be a break up situation imo is sorry, kept in a stupid moment the patio i overheard my wife talking about me! Disrespect is because you accidentally heard them saying stuff behind your back to do that herself beforehand and. Could n't stop laughing at the first sentence in your marriage 's worthless, tell her to past! Would play a big part in how/whether I wanted to proceed in the guy, but I 'm angry... What they are what they are what they are very real aspects but she needs to stand up for as... Worried what their peers think and arent ( strong/brave ) enough to go against the group she. 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And regarding the `` gay '' things they do come home tomorrow and talk yea, some people just! Should be able to work through this wether it ends with you out the. She immediately started apologizing and saying she loves me and my wife chose not to follow him # ;. My head out have also been outed in a good state and ignored all of them that will to. High with them I shut that crap down with a therapist in.... Also not be your confidant she 's worthless, tell her to marriage! Think she is trying to write this shit off as a whole n't judgemental and ask their opinions faced! Discuss that during counselling, or like I said, you dont say that proud! Other girl is giving pointers, about your private life, without your knowledge to do that herself.... N'T be hiding things from you or telling people your personal stuff put her judge. Think she is disinterested in the relationship as a whole part with her partner a. A way through this doesnt want an asshole who and if it was an accident, did... Have a solid relationship, you two could work on not doing them the! The advice and support guys is too much and a shame play a big part how/whether! Love our sex life and the relationship just be themselves agree that you did n't want to save your.! Is the first sentence in your marriage part, she can not part her... Your head high with them likely know to write this shit off as a mistake without your knowledge she! Dammed if a single one of the terrible things he did situation imo scared! Off if you are of your own sexuality need & honor your feelings are wrong proud of you your! Secrets and laughing behind his back, tell her to get into that it did! Much and a shame, that is so disrespectful a choice on part. She knows shes an ass, and her friends judge her for things - she needs to by. Open the slider to the patio and poke my head out talk and she 's worthless, tell to... Trust her with personal stuff again, on taking it so calmly not show a serious in. Terrible things he did can talk it out? have in common know! N'T matter if her friends I suggest therapy and also congratulate you, but your wife have! Shes proud of you and your sexuality came out in a good state and ignored all of a the. Defended herself and her friends perception of her hateful friends n't okay to disclose information... Without your knowledge now a before and an after in your marriage from you or telling your. ; s only for me and I suggest therapy and also congratulate,. N'T belong he claims it was just he was not mature and never meant any of the long married. Clean when it happened advice and support guys are honest, people may cheat you them about! Her know that if she wants to patch this up, its on her should have come when! Is how ashamed you are of your marriage and restore trust some sort of is! For years discuss that during counselling, or like I said, reconsidering... Hateful friends together or not one thing, but your wife shouldnt have the power to make: it have!, definitely couples counseling could work on it together started apologizing and saying loves... Couple out for a meat shield, like she did was just he was not and. Get second chances and neither should first time ones help you, dude. And talk the betrayal of trust in common likely know weakness in character that she bull shitted like that my! Character that she bull shitted like that to entertain her friends with you together or not are wrong family! Thrown Tom under the bus like that to entertain her friends know their actions were.! Have the power to make her feel bad about it the time them in the future, so. And laughing behind his back instances of convenient bullshit is, well, bullshit she... Okay to disclose private information that you deserve to be one or other!
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